Making It Through A Miscarraige

This picture was taken 2 years ago right after my last miscarriage.  We had planned a ski trip and I ended up having to have a D&C the day before we were scheduled to leave.  I didn't want to disappoint the kids so we left the day after anyway.  Of course I didn't ski, but it was nice to be out of my normal surroundings and in the beautiful mountains to grieve.

With my last post I had a few comments and emails about miscarriage and how to make it through, deal with the loss, grieve in a healthy way and still have faith that God is in control.  Since I've had 4 miscarriages, I thought I would write a brief post on making it through that very hard time.

First of all, miscarriages are hard.  While I know they are not the same as infant death or even having a still born,  they can be very difficult and many times the mother grieves in silence often alone.  I know with my last miscarriage, only my husband, children and 3 close friends even knew I was pregnant and then miscarried at 9 weeks.  All of my miscarriages have been between 5-9 weeks.  I actually never saw any of their heart beats, so they were pretty early.  But I usually have a hard time keeping my pregnancies quiet because I start to feel pretty sick and tired early on.  I admire those women who can keep their pregnancies a secret until 12 weeks or more.  My children all guess by how I'm acting and then friends and family start to find out and pretty soon half the town knows.  I do think it's harder when you have children old enough to understand what's going on.  They get so excited about another new baby in the house and then it's so hard to explain to them.  I think that has been the hardest part with my last 2 miscarriages......seeing their sad disappointed faces.  
Well, I tried to think of some things that have helped me when I've miscarried, so here are a few little nuggets......


Allow yourself to grieve.  Spend some time alone and then also time with your spouse to cry and say goodbye.  It's so comforting as Christians to know this world is not the end and we will see that little one in heaven.


Don't try to hide it at this point, at least not from those really close to you.  That way, others can be sensitive, pray for you, take care of other kids, bring meals, etc.


Let you body heal.  Don't try to be "super mom."  Take your vitamins and eat/drink well. 


Read the Bible and other encouraging books, even books on going through dark times.  I especially liked "Streams in the Desert" which is more of a devotional book.  For me, these types of books were better than "grieving" books.


Don't get mad at God.  He created that little life for a purpose. I think it's best just to trust Him and know that He's working in your heart and doing things we will never understand while here on this earth.


Don't give up hope.  I had 2 miscarriages in a row after my 3rd child (I wrote a post on this last year) and I had quite a few people tell me just to happy with my 3 children and get "fixed" to avoid anymore miscarriages.  I am SO very glad that I didn't listen to them and just trusted God.  He really makes no mistakes!