"There is a reason I am not writing the story and God is. He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means. I don't." Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.
The above picture is of my just turned 12 year old son who was born 11 months after loosing a full term son. I lost Taylor suddenly, horribly and Luke was my healing baby. I cried out to the Lord to be pregnant again, to once again hold and nurse a precious, tiny baby. My arms ached. The Lord was gracious and I conceived Luke (his name means bringer of light) less than 3 months later. I knew I couldn't replace the baby I had lost, but I also knew the reality that life is truly in the Lord's hands, not ours. If it is time for our precious ones to go home to be with the Lord, it doesn't matter if they are sitting securely on the sofa with us, God's Will will be done. I had to come to terms with this. I did have to realize, just as the above quote says, that this is God's story, not mine. I look back now, over 12 years later and I can say for certain, that God does heal our hearts. He truly does hear our prayers. He knows what is best even though it may not make sense in our minds. I know with certainty that I will understand it all and see His beautiful tapestry one day in heaven. A precious friend of mine just walked through a miscarriage and I was once again reminded of how much loosing a baby can not only hurt and disappoint so very much, but also confuse us. We ask God questions, and really, that's alright. We cry out to Him. We try to figure it all out. God is sovereign but also so very loving. I know He cries with us and we have to trust He has our best in mind. His story is beautiful.
"With memories of gravestones, I wonder too if rent in the canvas of life's backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. To see through to God." Ann Voskamp
Thank you for this. I lost a baby at 20 weeks last year and am currently pregnant again - and very anxious. I'm trying to trust God, but it is hard. I feel like it could happen again at any second. Thank you for sharing your experience and testimony.
ReplyDeletePraying for you Natalie, that God would hold you close to His heart. I know how hard this time can be, but try to enjoy it and immerse yourself in God's Word. blessings!
DeleteThank you so much for sharing this. In October I lost a baby at 18 weeks, and just 3 weeks ago, I lost another baby at nearly 14 weeks. My heart is broken and some days I just don't even know how to take one more step forward.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry Laura. Praying for you. I know this is such a hard time. Do not give up hope. Hugs and blessings to you.
DeleteYour blog is such a blessing. Thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post becca. God has been using others, and now this post of yours to give me hope that He does restore. He is the restorer of life. We are still hoping for another pregnancy after lossing Ezra, and it's really hard to wait. It has been easy to doubt. I feel what you have written here is something I can carry with me, as we continue to wait and see what God does. And that is; "this is his story, not mine." Thank you for sharing those true and humbling words. God used you to give me hope today. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. One never gets over losing a child. Ann's book has been a blessing to many.
ReplyDeleteI have never commented before, but have visited your space here several times! What an inspiration your family is! We lost baby number four this time last year to miscarriage. I, too, cried out to God for another little one. And after several months (that felt like forever) he answered. In seven weeks, Lord willing, I will be holding our new son. His name is going to be Luke, for the very same reason you mentioned :). His life has already brought light to our once dark hearts. Thanks for sharing!
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